Absurdity of the purposeful life

Is there any purpose? It seems to me that we live here without any purpose. Many people say that love is a solution to everything, yet they do not teach how to love and thus I do not love anything. On the other hand, I cannot say that I hate something, for I have lost all my emotions. And now I do not feel any joy, or sadness, anger or compassion, neither love nor hatred. Once I used to feel them but now I do not. I do not understand what the purpose of this game is. With emotions everything seemed to make a sense. Yet now, logically, I cannot understand why we are here, why we are born and have to die. I cannot answer even a simplest question.

God

There is He. But He cannot be felt. Therefore why did He fashion us if we cannot feel Him? If He is here always, why then? What is the purpose of being worshipped?

Love

What is the purpose of love? Why should we do good? If I do good, then I generate overall happiness in the society. If I do evil, I make the others suffer. But what is it for to rejoice or to be tormented. Are we better off if we are exposed to either one? In the end, nothing changes. In fact, only present matters, and because our present will be gone, it does not matter at all, for once it is gone, it cannot be recovered. But even if we could recover our joy, what would it be for? Why should we be merry if we can weep? Why should we wail if we can be joyful? Why should we do something if we do not have to, why should we be passive if we can be active? Whatever I do I cannot understand the purpose.

Life

Why were we born if we are going to die? And if we are not going to die but we will live afterwards in the heaven or in the hell I am asking myself again: what is the purpose of being happy or being tormented? Do we matter? Why should we matter? If we are important because God created us then why cannot we feel Him? What is the purpose to live without the purpose?

Ourselves

When I look at myself, I behold two hands, two legs, one head... but I do not understand why. Why do we not look like an elephant? We would have a trunk and we could pump the water. Yet, what would it be for? Allegedly, we are the most intelligent creatures, what is that for? If we can survive even drastic conditions that the other animals cannot, what for? Are we not going to die? And if we die and live after the death, then why do we need to survive? What is the purpose of dying and living, loving and hating?

Now

Why am I writing this? I just do not understand anything, I do not know why I am writing this or anything else. I am doing it because I am doing it but in the end it does not really matter because the world will end, and even if it did not end what would be the purpose of living forever?

In the end

I am afraid that I will never get the answer for this question. But to be true, I do not even fear, I know that I should fear but I do not know why. And even if I know why I should fear I would not be able to fear because I do not know how to do it. Therefore, whether there's a purpose or not, it does not matter. In fact, nothing matters because there is no purpose. At least we cannot comprehend it, hence for us there is nothing. Or we might say that God is everything and even the purpose Himself. But then I say to you, that I believe in God but do not know Him.

Blinded

So what if there is a purpose but we cannot perceive it? What would it be for to be blinded? I can only assume that I am a prisoner in the platonic cave. But how come that once I used to know the answers? How could I forget them once I have experienced them? Why was my mind set to be forgetful for good things?

Action

I do not know many things but I presume that right now I am imprisoned. But how could I get out? Because I have no power over myself, I cannot break the chains and I cannot cut my head for it would mean the death for me. I could shout but who would set me free? I have tried, yet no answer. What if they were afraid of my voice that if they came to me I might have attacked them. I cannot do anything. Anyway, If I am here, I have to be here because of some purpose. But because I have no idea what it might be, anyhow hard I strive to ponder, there is no way back only if somebody came inside for the purpose greater than that one I have to be jailed for, and afterwards the one would release me. Thence, I possess nothing but hope that one day before I die, somebody will come and tell me what the purpose is.